It took a lot longer than I wanted to to finish this post, but the wait was worth it. My friends, this post is going to be THEE blog post that introduces to the entire Internet world the Dave Holmes vs. Susan Powter cassette.

My not-yet wife Lily introduced me to this tape when we first started dating, quoting it like others quote South Park. It was a traded treasure, like the Metallica Drummer video, but for some strange reason it never got the attention it deserved.

The story behind the tape goes as such: Dave Holmes, the guitarist/vocalist/songwriter for Fallouts, worked at the Fantagraphics warehouse in the ’90s, along with a bunch of other Seattle-area musicians and hell-raisers. Apparently there was plenty of time during hours to joke around and harass unsuspecting radio hosts.

In his own words:

“At work we were listening to a show by someone named Amy Alpine. I called her a couple times and then her show was canceled and replaced with Susan Powter. I don’t remember why I called the first time.

“We’d listen to her show, and I think what usually happened was that I would say to a guy that I worked with named Demian “I should call and say”… whatever I would end up saying. He would laugh, and say “you gotta do it”. So I did it. We had a tape player there, so we’d usually record it… and then get back to kicking ass at work.”

Basically, every day Dave tried to make Susan Powter’s life a little more difficult. Sometimes he used funny voices, but every time he tried to say something that would make her react. A few times she gets the joke, but most of the time she missed it.

Why Susan Powter?

“Because we’re both fitness gurus. Also because she happened to be on in the afternoon, she was a good straight-man, and it was really easy to get on her show.”

Phil Rudd Fan
One of the first characters Dave used in his calls was the “Phil Rudd fan.” Dave:”A guy I worked with told me about Phil Rudd (drummer from AC/DC) getting drunk on Sidney Harbor (Harbour?) and accidentally maiming a leggy supermodel.”

Apparently he started using this voice, a decent Australian accent, when Amy Alpine had the show.

(Just click on the files inside the box to hear them.)

Thadeus Jones
Dave: “I guess I figured since she was a fitness guru, that a heavy man might call and brag about his little rascal.”

WD
Dave: “A character that quoted Pastor Falwell without giving him credit.”

Fuggin’ Taco guy
Dave: “The Fall-Outs used to live in a house together. In a closet, we found boxes of Keebler crackers. One was taco flavored (flavoured?). Somehow, from that came “fuggin’ taco” or “huggin’ tago”. 15 years later it ends up as a way for me to say the fuck word over and over again on Susan Powter’s radio show.”

Finally, here are some tracks where Dave used his regular voice: